Giving birth is a major event in any person’s life. A young couple waiting anxiously for the birth for their first child can cause a lot of stress and the role of family during such events is to give as much support as they can.
This is the story of a couple that had very specific rules for the birth of their baby but some people in their family had a hard time accepting it.
The birthing suite for a woman is a very serious event. Deciding who will be allowed into the room as you go through labor and give birth is a major decison which most expecting mothers take very seirously. As as their friends and family, it is a good idea to support their decisions without causing any issues!
Julia was pregnant with her first child with her husband Steven. She decided that she did not want her mother-in-law with her as she gave birth but chose to have her mother in the room with her.
Instead of accepting the decision, her mother-in-law began a persuasion campaign in order to be allowed into the room as her grandchild was born.
She event went as far as writing her issue to an advice column in order to get some clarity on the issue.
She wrote, “Dear Prudence. My son Steven and daughter-in-law Julia are expecting their first child and our first grandchild next month. I had what I thought was a good relationship with Julia, but I feel devastated.”
She went on, “My son, Steven, and daughter-in-law, Julia, are expecting their first child and our first grandchild next month. I had what I thought was a good relationship with Julia, but I find myself devastated. Julia has decided only Steven and her mother will be allowed in the delivery room when she gives birth. I was stunned and hurt by the unfairness of the decision and tried to plead with her and my son, but Julia says she “wouldn’t feel comfortable” with me there.
She continued, “I reminded her that I was a nurse for 40 years, so there is nothing I haven’t seen. I’ve tried to reason with Steven, but he seems to be afraid of angering Julia and will not help. I called Julia’s parents and asked them to please reason with their daughter, but they brusquely and rather rudely got off the phone. I’ve felt nothing but heartache since learning I would be banned from the delivery room. Steven told me I could wait outside and I would be let in after Julia and the baby are cleaned up and “presentable.” Meanwhile, Julia’s mother will be able to witness our grandchild coming into the world. It is so unfair.”
She ended her letter with, “I’ve always been close to my son, but I no longer feel valued. I cannot bring myself to speak to Julia. I’m being treated like a second-class grandmother even though I’ve never been anything but supportive and helpful. How can I get them to see how unfair and cruel their decision is?”
She expected to have gotten a lot of support over the matter but unfortunately, this was not the case. Even the advice columist gave her a harsh reality check. She wrote, “You can’t! You shouldn’t! You are entirely in the wrong! I say this in the hopes that, after the initial flush of indignation fades, you will be braced and supported by the realization that you have been acting badly and that you need to change. It’s difficult to admit when one’s been wrong, but there’s nothing quite so clarifying as figuring out how to do better.”
When the letter was shared on X (formerly known as Twitter) people had some strong opinions on the entire matter. They could not believe that this was even a complaint the mother-in-law was making and entirely dismissed her claims to her right to be in the room. Everyone was of the opinion that she should let it go!
And Prudence seemed to be in agreement with that. She ended her answer with, “Frankly, I can see why they don’t want you in the room, if But I was a nurse! and I’m a second-class grandmother is your response to Please hang out and read a book in the hallway while Julia is crowning.”
This is just another one of those stories where you can get divided opinions. What do you think is fair in this situation? Let us know in the comments. Share this with others to get the conversation going.
